Right

Back to check in.

Have been getting better with my food intake. Found a good balance with processed sugar (only eating dark chocolate) for a month. With this goal in mind, it’s easier to say no when I go places that have dessert.  I’m proud of myself, which is nice to feel again… even if it’s such a small victory. And even when I’m at home alone and find myself wanting something sweet, I go to the fridge and maybe have a few bites of unsweetened apple sauce or some grapes. I know those are high in sugar, but for now I need to SLOWLY get back down to the 30g/day range.

I have stayed right at 217-220 the last week or so, but I feel so much better now that I have cut out processed sugars. My goal is to be down to 215 by the end of this month. Also, Steffen and I have done phenomenal with our financial goals. I am so thankful for a like-minded husband.

I am still having a hard time finding time to exercise. I don’t want to make excuses though! I reminded myself that even walking a couple miles every day is ok! It’s better than doing NOTHING, right?

Right.

Keeping My Word

On July 20th, Steffen and I decided to sit down and make some goals for ourselves. Both financial and weight loss goals. They sort of go hand in hand so that's why I think I should incorporate both here.


Financial:
-Spend NOTHING on extras... including coffee, fast food, restaurants, cute clothes for Charlie, home improvements...
-While not spending, try to save $1000. Every time we reach $250 saved, we get to go out to eat.


Weight loss:
-whoever loses 5lbs first wins $10.
-Each time one of us reaches that goal, we both start the race again.


I am a goal oriented person, and Steffen is motivated when I am motivated. So this has been working! So far in the last two weeks, we haven't spent ANY extra moolah, and on Tuesday, we both hit the -5lb mark! Cha Ching!


I'm really excited to start this together. Our life has completely changed, and I want to remember to give us room to make mistakes so that we can find a new normal with our son.


At the end of this month I am going out to Seattle with my mom to introduce all of her side of the fam to Charlie. I'm so excited, but still nervous at the same time. None of them have seen me since 2010 (the year I was the heaviest in my life). They all know I've lost weight, and I'm sure will be really proud. But when I look in the mirror, I don't feel proud. I see that lingering baby belly.


Ok. But Hannah, you've already lost 5lbs!!!


I love how when I have a plan/goal I am normally successful... or at least I am pretty good at keeping my word. I hate losing! I'm competitive! My goal is to lose another 5 by the time we leave. I have to remember to be careful with the rate at which I lose weight because I'm breastfeeding. Don't want that milk supply to dip. We are a team!


Okeydokey. Life is calling me back to work.

Southwestern stuffed green peppers

It's not carb free, but it is healthy and delicious and affordable. I quickly prepped these guys during Charlie's noon nap time. Woot!!! 

A Year.

June 10th, 2013 was the last time I blogged. I wish it wasn't. I wish I could look back through my blog and find that less than a month after that last entry I found out I was pregnant and continued to stay healthy until my little sweet angel was born.

Nope.

I tried. I was determined to eat healthy and exercise accordingly throughout all three semesters. The first trimester was good! I continued to do my spin class and found myself passing up all those weird cravings. Second trimester was rocky. I gave in to that voice of "you're pregnant, go ahead and have more!" I tried to push it aside, but really, it wasn't just coming from my head. Even my co workers were telling me that I should maybe think about eating more than my usual spinach salad for lunch since I had little one inside. Third trimester. Fail. big time. Thanksgiving and Christmas came with all their carbalicious gifts that I had no trouble persuading myself to try. And of course, Mr. Winter makes it very difficult for a pregnant woman to exercise outside. I was really good at making excuses. I've done this before.

The day I delivered, I was 32lbs heavier (230) then 9 months prior. After delivery and a few days of shedding water weight, I got down to 215. Hey, 15lbs isn't so bad! I know how to do this!

But I had another excuse. I'm breastfeeding, so I need to eat more than usual. 500 calories to be exact. I'll give myself some room for failure here- a woman who is 40 weeks pregnant and a woman who just delivered a child who she is now breastfeeding DOES have a lot to figure out in the nutrition world. Just sayin.

But the excuses kept coming. People brought us food (THANK YOU!) but not all of it was a healthy choice. So of course I was still going to eat that! WIC gives us tons of milk and cereal. So of course I'll have 2 bowls every morning, and maybe even one during the night between feedings. I was so tired all the time. So of course I didn't have time to make healthy meals from scratch.

Today my sweet child is 5 months old. FIVE MONTHS have passed since I birthed him into this world. He is my love. He is my sweetheart. He is my joy. When I go get him from his crib in the morning, he gives me a fresh, smiling start to each day And what am I doing for him? Setting a horrible example of how to stay healthy. He has an unhealthy mom.

I don't fit into any of my clothes nicely. I have MAYBE five shirts that don't draw attention to my waistline tire. I now have to wear skirts to work because they are elastic. I don't feel like myself. I don't feel confident. I don't feel healthy. I don't feel proud of my health accomplishments.

I have let down myself, my husband, my child, my family who believed in me, my trainer who dedicated and practically volunteered to help me, my friends who encouraged me…. on and on the list goes. I feel so guilty.

But yet, a part of me still has hope. The way I felt a year ago still lingering in my heart. I know what I can accomplish. I know I can win battles. I know I am competitive and will race myself to win. I know so much about nutrition. I know I don't have to be a 200lb lady. I know I can be a healthy example for my children. I know I can set goals and achieve them. I know how to be determined.