BLE: Day 6

I have headaches still. They get worse at night and are dull during the day. I've read this is normal, and that it is probably my body getting used to a lower blood sugar level. I am going to try to schedule a acupuncture appointment to see if that relieves it.
There are multiple times when I've been snacky, a few times when I've felt hungry, but overall, it has been an easier transition than I expected.
I wish I could say that I go to bed and wake up amazing the next morning, full of energy and clear minded. Perhaps that is in the future. I still feel fairly tired and the headache is a B.

The new thing

Hi,
It's been a while.

About 2 months ago I listened to a podcast and it really hit home for me. I related to the interviewee and appreciated the science she offered to back up what she was presenting. Welcome,

Bright Line Eating.

So here I am, day two on this journey. Lots has happened between my last post and today, but maybe that doesn't matter for now.

Here's what I have committed to:

1. Bright line eating for 100 days (March 10, 2018)
2. Strictly following this eating plan which includes:

• no flour
• no sugar or sweeteners
• 3 meal times and no snacking between
• portioning out the food at each meal

3. Reaching out for support daily. (This could include blogging, instagramming, a Facebook group for BLE, or two friends that have agreed to be my accountability partners)

I finished the BLE book today and honestly, I still feel hesitant. I feel like I could perhaps fail again. This seems like a big challenge. Parts of BLE goes against my way of seeing nutrition, but then again I don't really know how to categorize nutrition for 1) healthy normal weight people versus 2) overweight people. I'm certainly in that second category and the 80/20 philosophy hasn't been working for me. 

So here are some stats. Because I'm a numbers/graph gal, duh. 

Heaviest: 283 (January 2011)

Current: 233.8 (Yesterday, November 30, 2017)

100 day Goal: 199  (March 10, 2018)

Interested in joining me? Want to be my accountability in some way? Comment or message me. :) 

byebye

HY

6/1/2017

Just realized it's JUNE.

Yesterday I was proud of myself. Yesterday was better.

I was much more mindful than I normally am, and found myself being WAY more gracious. I had the same old craving all day... sugar or a snack. Normally I would respond by just going to the cupboard and grabbing the first yummy thing. Yesterday I noticed an interesting process. I would capture the craving and then think, "ugh! Why am I craving this again!?" Like, it was really annoying that I would keep having to battle. I do think that was a somewhat positive start, because instead of just diving in to that chocolate, I would stop myself. But, then I noticed that too was a negative reaction, and remembered that I wanted to be gracious to myself. So later in the day my reaction looked more like this: "Ok, why might I be having this craving?" I noticed that maybe half the time I was in or just coming out of a stressful situation, and then the other 50% was not induced by stress. Just plain old wanting a hit.

One time yesterday Charlie asked "So, how's your day?" What a wonderful moment.

Today I have lots planned. Full schedule. All positives, but I still want to stay on track the best I can.

Goals: 

Be gracious to myself
Drink water
Eat salad for dinner (going out with girls)

ps: I packed the scale yesterday... so that's kinda nice. Forcing myself to not know my weight.  Next time I step on that will be in 2 weeks in our new home. 

May 31, 2017- Wednesday morning on the porch with the boys

I'm forcing myself to write some thoughts this morning. We are moving in less than a week, and I have a shit ton to do, but I think this is important for my mental health.

I had my last appointment with Tia yesterday. Oh, how helpful it was to just verbalize my feelings to someone for an hour. She was a great listener, and surprised me with how much she could help. Before I went to my first appointment with her, I had it in my head that I probably wouldn't absorb much from a conventional-style health coach. I'm glad I was wrong. Out of all the sessions with Tia, I hope to remember these things I learned with her:

• Be gracious to myself as I would be to someone else telling me their similar situation
• Be realistic with myself. Setting the bar too high often ends up in what I see as failure, resulting in me feeling shitty about myself. 
• Mindfulness 

So now, as we are just days from a huge change in our lives, I'm going to try my absolute best to set a few goals out:

• Set alarm to wake up before the kids 
• Look for one moment of mindfulness or solitude each day 
• When we eat out, order the healthiest option available
• Think about if I'm really hungry or not before I eat a meal
• Keep my water jar on the counter filled up

Didn't work out

Today was a hard day. It started when I went to bed last night with a baby that had a pretty high fever. Then at 2:30am I hear Steffen puking. I'm up every two hours with Waylon. I wake up to face the day feeling tired. Not how I want to start out my day and new week.

Steffen comes home from work around 10. I'm happy he came home, but it's hard to 1) keep the boys quiet while he sleeps off his sickness and 2) difficult to keep explaining to them why daddy can't come play.

Waylon doesn't take his morning nap.

He does go down for his afternoon nap around 12:30, and Charles and I get to spend some time outside raking leaves and playing in his sandbox. Definitely the brightest part of my day.

I take Waylon to his 1 year doctor's appointment. Dr. tells me he's hasn't gained much weight and that I should come back to do a second weight check. This makes me feel upset. Next, Dr. affirms to me how great of a mom I am to my boys, but how he also thinks I put too much pressure on myself. He's about the fourth or tenth person that has said something like this in the last month. We had to end his conversation abruptly, and it left me in (healthy) tears wanting to continue the convo. Feeling really emotional. I talked to Dr. about moving, and didn't really get to tell him how much I love and admire and appreciate him in my life.

I get home and Steffen is still feeling sick.

I ask Frank and Cher if I can come over to hang so Steffen can have more quiet house sleep.

I go over and feel loved and appreciated and cared about.

Today I was supposed to work out, but you know what? Eff that. I am not going to listen to the voice inside my head that is beating me down telling me what I didn't accomplish today. I didn't work out, and it's effing ok.

Health Coach

I've been seeing a health coach (her name's Tia) for about a month now. Seeing her is a free service for Purdue employee families, so I figured I'd give it a whirl. Turns out she's so much more helpful than what I expected I would find.

I am realizing/remembering I do really well with accountability. Like, face to face, not myself or my husband accountability. When she asks me my goals for the week and then asks me to rate how important they are to me or how confident I feel I will accomplish them, I feel something. Something inside me that I don't feel when I give myself a pep talk, or when I text a friend what my goals are for the day.

So last week my goals that I made with her was to commit for two weeks to not eat sugar and also to walk 3 times a week for 30 minutes minimum.

When I went in today to talk with her, I went in feeling like I failed. I did eat sugar. Once. That's what my mind focused on. My mind focused on the one negative pice. I met my other goal, and Tia was like "why are you upset with yourself?! You just met your goal for 13 out of the last 14 days!"

She pointed out that I am a very empathetic, sympathetic, accepting person to all around me. Nice of her to say that. But then she said, "So why can't you show that same kindness to yourself?"

Woah.

I really didn't think my sessions with her would be this helpful.

So now I'm chewing on that.

Goals this week:
maximum one serving of a sugar food the entire week
minimum two at home strength training workouts this week

reward:
After completing strength training twice a week for four consecutive weeks, I'd like to treat myself to swimming lessons at the co rec.

Note to self:
You can do this, Hannah. You are capable. You are not beyond control. You can set goals and meet them. Remember, it's a goal, not a blood sworn oath. Be kind to yourself, take care of yourself, and have grace for when you fall short. You're an imperfect human.